Side note at 1am

we can make no distinction between the man who eats little and sees heaven and the man who drinks much and sees snakes. Each is in an abnormal physical condition, and therefore has abnormal perceptions.

This statement is from Bertrand Russell a man who critiques mysticism. I find the statement interesting because i do believe that intoxication isn't a strong way to the Mystical path but also i believe that fasting isn't either. I believe meditation is the purest way to a 'oneness' with the world but i don't rule out the interaction we have with this 'oneness' in our everyday lives.

I just found this portion of text interesting :P

Mysticism and Brahman

So today in Mysticism class we were talking about Hindu Mysticism and mainly on the Brahman. The Brahman is the overwhelming theme that is "the Universe". It says that everything that exists is a reflection of the Brahman (almost Godlike/but rather a massive, infinite, perfect state of being that is ALL) includes mankind and anything on the planet like rocks to animals. It also says that the world that we exist in is an illusion one that hides the fact that the Brahman unites everything and that our individual divisions are all simple illusions. Well people asked why does the Brahman need to hide it self and the best answer was the Brahman is infinite and naturally creates the (illusion) world and it is when a rational being sees through the illusion on to the oneness of the universe that the circle is completed between Brahman and the World. Well that is hard to swallow but it still the best answer that we had to use. Well through intense meditation people can come into contact with Brahman and experience the 'oneness' of the universe or rather see a "reflection" of Brahman, because to unite with something that 'you' are technically part of already is impossible. Basically when people reach a certain plain they realize the 'oneness' of the universe and all things and that is Brahman. Well at some point the various ways common people not practicing meditation interact with the hidden Brahman was brought up.

The ways some interact with it (Brahman) is mainly when ever you are indulged in something so much that concept of time is lost, or overwhelming joy is felt when in the activity. It is on various degrees but it can be felt through watching a movie, tv, reading, playing games, having fun really many aspects of life reflect a small glimpse into the Brahman at times(according to the Hindu mysticism). Well the aspect of intoxication also is said in some cases to create a way to Brahman through various drugs or alcohol. Well this got me thinking about how these elements that i find rather 'lame' could create a channel to the ultimate 'oneness' with the Brahman. Well its often the consensus that this is a easy way to the Brahman and is never as complete the way meditation can get you there. But as i reflected on it i realized that this 'oneness' that mystics experience could simple be mistaken in some ways as being 'high', 'buzzed' or 'that feeling people strive for when they are intoxicated. Because i know most people don't drink and smoke to reach Brahman but rather it could be that being high is a small piece of what the Brahman is to mankind. Well either way i know that i am content with that various ways i lose my self and may at times feel this 'oneness' without even knowing it, but it did make me reevaluate my harsh view on these things for a bit. Rather i know it can help people feel better but i rather not go down that path. And one day if i ever want to feel this 'oneness' (be it Brahman or simple a unique feeling) i know i will do it through meditation and not any incomplete way to this realization. Either way this class session was great i just thought about what it means if everything is an illusion and that we are all 'one'. It honestly made me feel good for what ever reason, i think its just a feeling i get when im driving alone looking up at the sky, a feeling of happiness or just a good feeling. Either way some say how do the mystics return to an "illusion' basiclaly how could they continue on with a life that is an illusion. Well the reasoning i understood and pondered was one that concluded that man can only see this reflection of Brahman for limited amounts of time(many mystics only stay in it for less then 2 hours). So it is clear that our minds are ment for the illusionary construct that is "our world". The main idea of how we could continue on in this 'illusion' is that, the world may be an illusion but the illusion itself (of the world) is real, we live in it and have the values we have in it. Well either way i like this class alot but this particular class discussion but me in a good mood.

I went on to my economics class and we had a test today. Luckily we would take this test in our groups but i dread the group i was in. Well i sat down with the girl who is nice and another girl and the two jerks were missing. I was fine with the group at the moment and then the others showed up. But i didn't 'hate' them like i thought i was going to. I mean they weren't terrible, they told me random stories when the conversation veered that way but either way i was just helpful and nice. I'm not sure why, it may have been that i was in a good mood from the earlier class or maybe i was in a terrible mood other days. Either way one girl told us about how her friends and her got high and went to walmart and played with all the toys and coloring books, she said is was so fun and that normally 'we' would never do that. And i smiled, i wasn't annoyed like i usually am, i actually liked the rather innocent way they acted when they were high. I just thought to my self that i have no problem playing with toys and acting young (and if you ask me life is much better when your not worried with basic appearance/not saying i disregard them). Rather i think most people, including this girl, think of life as progressing in a way that once you reach a certain age aspects to life like "playing"and being 'care free' and having kid like fun are shed and titles like "college student" 'adult' 'responsible' must be incorporated. I think this may be another reason why drinking and drugs may seem even better because it lets you shed those titles for awhile and 'have fun'. I like to think that you don't become something new but you grow and when you grow you retain some of the aspects of you childhood. I think its a good thing to relax with yourself and not always follow those titles that society seem to place on certain ages. Well they all had some story about being high and acting in similar ways and i just thought i have so much fun when i do ridiculous (its only ridiculous b/c of society anyways hehe) things like playing with toys ect, and i don't have to get high. I wasn't angry or proud of my "better' way of doing things (nor did i know if it was better/just needed some word to relay how i felt) but rather just interested in how things like that work. Either way i wasn't instantly annoyed but rather okay with their stories, i know that i will barely know these people in a few months and for now i might as well be friendly with them because honestly they are a pretty nice (i mean friendly, not good at economics lol) group.

I don't know where my views on drugs and alcohol will stand tomorrow or even later today but at the moment i am not as aggressive about it as i usually am. It may be the discussion about Brahman or those kids and their stories. All i know is i shouldn't be so aggressive towards it because its the same view people who drink and ect have towards those who don't "have a good time" and 'relax'. Often times i feel like they think i have hit a emotional barrier like i cant get by it and "grow up". Like im afraid of experiencing new things. But hey, i know what i feel and for now that is all i need. Its alot like how 'reason' attacks 'faith' as aggressively as 'faith' attacks 'reason' (well back in enlightenment days but either way). Now im getting off topic, i had alot to explain today and i know ive missed alot of what i wanted to say either way i hope you got some of what i was trying to talk about.

"No ass Zone"?

So i was driving home today after work and i saw a sign that read "No Passing Zone" except some hooligans had blocked out the letters P-ing so that it now read "No ass Zone". I wasn't amused much but not simple because of the random vandalism but more so because the joke or comedy that these kids were trying to create was really weak. So i read this sign and i can only think of a few ways to take it, A. This zone atm is one where 'jerks' and 'generally mean people' are not allowed. A zone in which Ass's and Assholes are banned from. (i think this interpretation is wrong because i would love to be in a zone free from jerks and what not). B This is some sort of zone where hott girls are not allowed, an NO 'ass' zone, i doubt this is the answer because its just some street with houses on the left and some random company on the right (so how many good looking people could be walking around, as the sign would ban them). Also these vandals cant make such broad proclamations to ban someone based on their appearance. C. Or this zone is one in which people are required to not have an actual ass/butt when in it. That if you want to enter this zone you are required to have no backside (clearly this interpretation is more ridiculous then the rest). So what quickly became clear is that these middle school vandals simple got a laugh out of the simplicity of having 'ass' on a sign, which i find pretty weak.

If i were to give them some advice i would suggest blocking out the "No" and have the sign read "ass Zone". Some sort of zone in which various jerks are constantly around and the streets are quite dangerous with 'asshole' drivers. Or rather it would attract more attractive "pieces of ass' to this particular section of the road. Also i feel like this sign shows a little more care when it comes to trying to create a new meaning for the sign then simply having it read "no ass zone' which isnt very funny aside from a official sign reading 'ass'(which now that it is written out seems kinda funny--BUT STILL). (well sorry for the rant, but i really did think about this on my drive home and thought it funny enough and important enough to explain here, hope you got a laugh at some point :P

A Street Fighter Post !

2DF and Street Fighter Alpha 3
Well its 1:50am and im waiting for a battle in 2df (the online system that lets me play StreetFighterAlpha3). I just saw "TheWarlock" who is this very lame kid who hides his rank on 2df. He doesn't fight good players as so he never loses, then he fights bad players (or ones with bad ranks) as so he can keep boosting his numbers. It really annoys me, plus on his 2df profile he has some arrogant shit like "i love SFA3, and im one of the best in NY" or something like that. Either way he is one of those players who never blames himself for his loses and mistakes, he blames the systems, controllers, time of day, alignment of the sun ect. These people often times never are able to grow in the many endeavors they pursue. Warlock has also faced tom (thinking tom was bad due to his rank, and when tom was beating him proclaimed things like "improbable" and "not happening" before leaving with a record of 0-4 Tom on top.

So this particular early morning i was looking for some Alpha 3 matches and there i see warlock with his away message up, hiding not wanting to loose his rank. Then I saw him leave his away message to fight some random guy who was ranked in the 900's or something (not saying i never fight these people, but i usually fight them to test there ability and then finish the match a few wins in) Once he returned from his match i challenged him and he promptly denied me. I asked him if he wanted to fight and he told me he didn't want to lose to me and added a "lol". I wanted to let him have it about how he hides his rank and is a sore sport. But i also felt it was as simple as "he didnt want to lose" cause i know at times after losing to certain characters like Dhalsim and Zangief that i wont sit there and lose for more then 15 matches in a row, once i get there im usually pretty demoralized. But i know his competitive spirit isn't there and its rather him "TheWarlock" keeping his False rank and image. Either way i didn't let him have it so i can just beat him up next time he does work up that confidence to face me.

This weekend i played Street Fighter 4 and i was very impressed. I knew that Capcom wasn't going to miss with this game because i read about how they wanted to really capture the essence of what made SF popular in the past, but i didn't know i would be so very impressed. I thought it was going to be a great looking game and saw it more as a fun new game that will hopefully bring SF back to the main stream. I also thought i would still love Alpha 3 more then SF4. Well once i saw the arcade cabinets in all their glory and then sat and played SF4 i realized that i loved it. I think it was the aspect that it was a new Street Fighter in general. It looked great, the art direction, to the face features, to the 3-d background of cheering Russian stereotypes. The new Superspecials looked amazing and everything about the game drew me in more. Now i can only look forward to buying it when it comes to the US and grabbing a stick to learn the true medium in which one is to play SF. As for me loving Alpha 3 more then SF4, i still hold Alpha 3 as my favorite game of all time and im not sure that SF4 could ever take that spot completely (but it looks like it can come close :P)

Ken Masters my World Warrior, the man that represents me in ALL street fighter games from now til the end of Capcom. I love this fighter "like a dear man friend" even though he is not real (LOL). But now i will regale you with how i choose my figther all those years ago. It was back around the 2nd grade, i was over Mac's house and he had StreetFighterIIChampionEdition for Sega. When i sat down to choose my fighter im not entirly sure i started on Ken but i do know once i choose him i would never hold another Street fighter character in such high respects. Now for the moment of truth the reason i choose him, was it those golden locks, the rivalry with Ryu, his cocky attitude or his particular moves? It was none of those i mainly choose Ken because of his Red Gi, Red being my favorite color. Either way i never looked back. I eventually got that Sega game free from Mac when he got Mortal Kombat games, it being my first Street Fighter game EVER, and i still have it today :D. (funny side note is now i play ken in a yellow gi because i pathetically couldn't choose the red one when i played 2df. Well it started to grow on me and now i consider it the way people recognize my ken)


~~Sorry to those who don't find Street fighter that interesting, to tell you the truth i could write about it for some time but i have to go do some homework and my post is kinda random as it is :P

Not the first time NPR made me feel down

I just drove to bank of america to deposit some checks and I heard something that really depressed me on the radio. I was listening to NPR, of course, and the topic was on Medical School stress. They had a specialist who conducted a study across 7 different medical schools on about 200 kids from each school. The study showed that about half the students had depression and had feelings of being emotionally burnt out and mental overwhelmed. They felt like there personal identities were gone and they were just struggling to keep up. Plus the worst part was about 1/4 of all the students in the study had at one point had suicidal thoughts over the stress and medical school its self.

The guy who ran the study said that the immense amount of knowledge they must learn is too much for any one person and they always have the thought of one day one piece of info that theycant remember can mean a mans life. Also he said that the professors were not encouraging but rather condescending and harsh. Basically this study really depressed me. The fact that there are kids out there trying so hard to get through medical school, but mentally its too taxing and then to cause them to have suicidal thoughts just gets at me. I want to talk with them and tell them its okay, that life goes on and they have to relax BUT i know its much worse then that, and i couldnt help them in anyway. I dont know, knowing people want to kill themselves because their learning experience is too aggresive and demanding just depresses me. And its more upsetting knowing that there are a good amount of professors who simple cause these kids so much grief. IM not sure if this is how you make a good doctor but either way it just sits bad with me.

Also I found out lauren may not have the funds to stay in school which also is getting me down. Either way, I just really found this whole med school study distressing enough to cause me to write about it at the very least.

Politics plus reflections

I think this post is going to mainly focus around politics and the like. Ive realized that i hate election season, i hate the parties, and all the bickering between the parties. This started because earlier i saw a magazine spread open on the kitchen table. It was a Pet magazine and it discussed the pets each presidential hopeful had. The only thing i could think was that there are people out there that will vote for O'bama or McCain over their family pet choice. This was a disappointing realization and im not entirely sure its justified but i feel its in the same vain as women voting for McCain due to his women running mate. Either way i find the mud slinging terribly annoying and i find the division of ideas only forces this country in worse directions. I just wish both parties would work out their various problems then to simply attack the opposite sides views. Well im realizing i just don't have much to say about this topic, that is why i kinda hope that it is all a ploy. That this government, this election, these borders between countries are all simply the doing of the Illuminati and the World Bank. What a laugh that would be, that all these people passionate about the "issues" are all wasting their time. I think the only reason i find that funny is because then these people will be wasting their time just as much as i do. Or it could be that people who are "informed" with the issues have that sense of superiority like "i care about our nation and the direction its going in, i have concrete ideas and views on issues and this helps me feel important to society, plus they always seem to find your own apathy towards the whole situation rather ignorant". Well i feel i have rambled enough on this its only negative anyways and i really should try to care about the political spectrum (even if we are a blue state).

I kinda want to go in a good direction before i close up this post. It seems through life, i only find society letting me down and giving me 101 things to complain about. Yet i find that im an optimistic person, this maybe due to my tendency of not worrying too much about the future. Often times i have a "Truman Show" outlook or rather i think every problem has an at least half decent solution. I guess its the middle class white kid in me, or rather i 'think' of myself as a go with the flow type of person. Either way i can find my self on various occasions in my car feeling good cause an up beat song is on and my life, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty good. I have great friends, and girlfriend. My family is supportive and im very close with my bro-ha Natty. Even though i may not know what im doing after college, what i do know is that i have people around me that will support me and brighten my day as always. I realize that i do hate being alone just like back in the day when i dubbed my self a "friend-oholic". Even tonight as Natty and Ryan sleep in the same room as me i find my self wanting to call Jimmy up as to hangout during these wee hours of the morning. I guess i just like seeing people who i care about, sharing laughs,adventure and time with them. (as "un-manly as that seems) I guess, again, thats why im not so worried about the future, as long as it has my friends and family in it then i know it will be bright.

Well that may be too optimistic but the songs im listening too atm make me feel good :D

Titles and Jerks

Title -
Well i have created a blog, partly thanks to the heavy amount of blogging happeneing with many of my friends. Also partly because jim got me a gmail acct so I got this started really easily.
So my first problem was a title to this blog. I wanted it to be cool but quickly realized that my topics werent goin to be cool and were goin to be based around me complaining about people, places and things. I looked at various song lyrics and came close to using them but i just couldnt, it seemed corny not sure why. The main one was "open up your plans and damn your free". I heard this lyric on the radio from a jason mraz song (its embarrassing but i love this song, it really does something great for me, it makes me feel good about life and about everything going on) The fact that it makes me feel so good is why i cant use it, for some reason i know this blog will have alot of negative times mixed with good times and i just didnt feel like it could fit, plus its quite the long title. Then I thought of cool lyrics from songs mainly something like "the tired anthem of CP" but it seemed too cool for me. So I settled on "Let me see". Please don’t take this as "let me see the truth/energy/oneness with the world cuase that’s lame but I was afraid it may be interpreted in this manner" rather it is more like "let me see what i should write about today, what annoyed me, what made me feel good, and whatever i want"

Jerks -

Now for the first major reason I choose to make a blog to complain about some jackass kids in my economics class. So the class is about 50 kids and the teacher is a young girl who is new to the whole deal but shes nice enough. Basically as I sat in class i noticed (as many others did) two jackass kids talking about how terrible the class is and how cool their lives are outside of class. It was the type of whispered, pathetic conversation that shows no respect for the professor. Let me describe these two kids, there was a young girl, just nomral looking but clearly cares about being an trendy person but in the "Abercrombie+Fitch/bro"way, incidentally the guy was the same, he was a thin kid with this dumbass look to his face, his eyes wide open and a rat like smile. The girl's face was small with squinty small eyes. I think the way they conducted themselves in class made me see them in a terrible light. I will name these 2 people i hate Vicky and Dick.
As fate would have it I was assigned to a group containing both of these pathetic kids but also a large girl with the same personality and trendy-ness as them. Also the group had a nice girl who seemed "empty headed" but turned out she at least cared about the group and its future presentation. Well the first day in the group i was nice and suggested ideas but i could already tell it was going to be a bad situation. They were nice enough but the two jackass kids (Vicky+Dick) had that air of "this class is dumb/who cares" which i wouldn’t mind if i didn’t see it as a way for them to look cool in front of each other. Well next class, we were in our groups to do a work packet. At this point i sat stone faced as i heard these kids interact. The big girl talked about how she was so jealous of Vicky and her new car. Vicky of course told the story of her old "shit box" and how her mother decided she deserved a brand new car, oh and how she will sell her old Lemon of a car to some poor sap. Of course everyone had a good laugh about it except me who again sat stone faced. THen Dick said "i think were supposed to read this lol (im so cool with my disregard of this class) again the 3 of them laughed over his terrible commentary. Then as passionate people of economics answered and debated questions the 3 of them whispered about how these kids are lame and pathetic for caring about the class. Either way i hate these type of people. If they dont care about the class just sit there and sleep, doodle or dont come, DONT sit there and insult the professor and the rest of the class. Well i have plenty more to say about Dick and Vicky and im sure ill have new stuff each time i go to this class. I wasnt able to explain how much these kids piss me off but i will do my best in the future. The main thing I hate is that "I think im better then these kids" and thinking that makes me a shitty person but this is all for another post.


Well either way I like this ablity to just write about what ever I find dumb, annoying, fun, nice, lame ect but I feel like my next post will be clearer becuase I will not be at work. I hope I don’t give up on this, like I do with so many other things in my life but we'll see how this continues.